Today started off rough and I had high hopes of it getting better from there. Well, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Today was a tough day at work and after I finished eating my lunch (chicken hot plate and a hard boiled egg left from yesterday) I decided to go for a stroll. There's a store in the mall that often stocks Hammond's chocolate bars and I've been eyeing them since Christmas. I decided it was time, and I picked up this one (a malted milkshake chocolate bar). I knew that eating it wouldn't make my bad day go away. I knew it wouldn't make me feel better (and, in fact, may make me feel physically and mentally worse). I knew that it's unhealthy to use food as a comfort and a crutch, but sometimes logic goes out the window and you eat a chocolate bar. And it didn't solve my problems. But I enjoyed it, if only for a few minutes. I had a wee sugar high, no crash, and I moved on. Like I said last time something like this came up...I'm done feeling guilty about food. I don't want to live that way anymore. On the way home I even stopped to pick up some wine and cider. It is the long weekend after all, and though my whole30 isn't over until Sunday, I think part of me has mentally checked out. I still want to eat paleo (this decision has no end in sight) but I'm not sure if I want to keep restricting myself so much. I feel I've already reaped many of the benefits I wanted to from the program, and I kind of want to start eating on my own terms.
That said, I made the choice to go to the grocery store and stock up on some of my favourite paleo/whole30 compliant foods so that I could enjoy the rest of the weekend and not completely undo my month. Before leaving, I had a quick dinner of leftovers because going to the grocery store hungry is never a good idea.
Here's what I brought home. Some bratwurst (made locally from happy, healthy pigs) and some "Gordon Lightfoot" beef sausage (for Canada Day!) from the butcher. I also grabbed some Ontario strawberries and some of other favourite fruits from the grocery store, among a few other things to get me through the week. Since I have a few days off this week, I'm not planning a cook day. This week I think I'll just wing it.
After all that I decided to make myself a filling, wholesome, and whole30 (almost) approved snack. I had some of my delicious, sweet, in-season, local strawberries with roasted mixed nuts and some olives. What makes this not quite whole30 is the glass of wine just out of frame. Again, I may not be done with whole30, and I'm definitely not done with paleo...but I am done with holding myself back from the simple things I enjoy. And a glass of wine on a Friday night after a long work week (and a very long day) is one of those things.
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